


Blackberries

by Calaphrass (SexyStripedTie)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: (Post), Callout post @ Sam for never seeing the good in himself, Demon Blood, Demon Blood Addiction, Gen, His self-image HURTS MY SOUL, Men of Letters Bunker, Rituals, Sam Contemplation, Sam-Centric, Spiritual, Surprisingly Healthy Coping Methods, honestly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-20
Updated: 2017-04-20
Packaged: 2018-10-21 04:45:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10677963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SexyStripedTie/pseuds/Calaphrass
Summary: Sam eats blackberries.This fact on it's own isn't all that remarkable, or extraordinary, or even interesting. Millions of people eat blackberries. Billions, even. Animals eat blackberries, and so do plants, too, once the earth has turned the strays of the season back over into soil and mulch.Therefore, as are all things, to an extent -- they're a mark of new beginnings. Rebirth. Of a constant, immutable cycle beyond ourselves. This is one of the reasons Sam's drawn to them -- he is, after all, a man that likes to find the spiritual in the mundane. But Sam's primary purpose in ingesting blackberries is something else altogether; one particular reason with particularly insinuating implications that are, as is often the case with him, misunderstood.To him, they taste like blood.





	Blackberries

Sam eats blackberries.  
  
This fact on it's own isn't all that remarkable, or extraordinary, or even interesting. Millions of people eat blackberries. Billions, even. Animals eat blackberries, and so do plants, too, once the earth has turned the strays of the season back over into soil and mulch.  
  
Therefore, as are all things, to an extent -- they're a mark of new beginnings. Rebirth. Of a constant, immutable cycle beyond ourselves. This is one of the reasons Sam's drawn to them -- he is, after all, a man that likes to find the spiritual in the mundane. But Sam's primary purpose in ingesting blackberries is something else altogether; one particular reason with particularly insinuating implications that are, as is often the case with him, misunderstood.  
  
To him, they taste like blood.  
  
Not _exactly_ like blood, of course -- otherwise they probably would have been named differently. There's a blood orange, after all, but ironically Sam can barely stand the taste of it. Blackberries, they're... dark, and they stain his fingers, his tongue -- they mark him, but with ultimate innocuousness --  and the taste that comes through the small, controlled explosion of almost sickly sweetness is tied with an undercurrent of bitterness that bites. Like blood. The texture of the juice, too, feels... blood-like.  
  
_Health nut_ , Dean teases, when he catches Sam with research and a pile of them in front of him and a silent, immutable ache under his skin.  
  
_I wish_ , Sam thinks back, more than a little ashamed but also a lot relieved that he's found _something_ that mutes the-- the _nagging_ , the quiet voices, the tension in his gut that he's carried with him for too many years.  
  
He's not addicted to blood anymore, and he usually doesn't touch anything related to his past vices with a fifty foot pole. But this habit had been started by accident and a startling realization, and now blackberries feel... meaningful. Symbolic, even. They're safe. They're _healthy_. They're a chosen alternative, and a reminder of how far he _has_ come, despite all. They're a personal meditation-slash-self-flagellation that really, deep down, he doesn't need -- but he doesn't know that, and they do help him sleep at night.  
  
They're the _good_ side of the coin that, too often, he's fallen onto the wrong side of. And so, when he eats them, he's practicing a choice. And it might not be much. It isn't much. But somehow, the ritual makes the days come a little bit easier.

**Author's Note:**

> Check out the rest of my stuff over at [my Tumblr](https://sexystripedtie.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
